Am I a bad person if I’m only attracted to children?

FAQ Category:

Worried About Self

No, having sexual thoughts and feelings about children does not mean that you are “messed up,” a bad person, or a monster. We cannot always control or change our thoughts and feelings. Rather, behaviors and actions are something that we can control. Seeking out information and wanting to learn more about yourself can be a sign of self-reflection, insight, and wellbeing. In other words, “bad people” do not seek out information and support to stay safe. We’re glad you’re here asking questions and looking for support.

How do people feel about being sexually attracted to children?

Many individuals we’ve talked with on our helpline have shared a sense of shame about having thoughts and feelings of attraction to young people or children. Almost no one has ever said they wanted these thoughts and feelings, and many individuals often feel psychological distress related to their sexual attraction to minors [1].

People who are dealing with unwanted sexual thoughts about minors should not be automatically assumed to be sexual predators or child sexual abusers. There are people who have self-identified being attracted to minors, who do not feel at risk to abuse, and who never sexually abuse a child.

Can someone with a sexual attraction to children be normal?

Many aspects contribute to a healthy and happy life – and one that is safe. By understanding their attraction and working with a trusted professional, along with having personal support, people with sexual attractions towards children and teens are able to create lives that they love, with the commitment to remain harm-free. Staying safe relies on feeling supported and secure. While this can be challenging, it is achievable! Taking steps to reach out for help can make a difference.

We often hear from people who tell us that they have sexual thoughts about children and are committed to never acting on them, but want to know what kind of life is possible for them. You are not alone in your question, and as a person with an attraction to minors, you can still have healthy friendships and choose the type of adult relationships you want to develop. You can build a fulfilling career, pursue hobbies and interests that add meaning to your life, and make valuable contributions to your community and society. Remember, you matter.

Building a life that feels “normal” takes time and patience, just like any long-term goal. A stable, healthy life can be achieved with the right support and resources, like specialized therapy from a qualified mental health provider. With this type of ongoing professional support, individuals who are attracted to minors can lead happy, balanced lives. Treatment may involve setting and working towards life goals, creating a safety plan to manage unsafe thoughts about children, and getting support from a trusted person. The help from a qualified professional can play a major role in living a normal life.

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References
[1] Spriggs, S. A., Cohen, L. J., Valencia, A., Yaseen, Z. S., & Galynker, I. I. (2018). Qualitative analysis of attitudes toward adult-child sexual activity among minor-attracted persons. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 44(8), 787-799. https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623x.2018.1474406